i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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