No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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