I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You made out with two different species that night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
