where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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