I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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