It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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