im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
