worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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