girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
