Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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