i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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