i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
