So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
