i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
