i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
