im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
