okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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