I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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