Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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