I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
