Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
