I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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