the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
