Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
