Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
