Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
