Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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