just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
