I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
