how can u be prego again
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
