so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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