I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
