Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
