i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
