If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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