I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
