Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
