six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
