Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
soo... how was my night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
