you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
