since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
