Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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