he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
