i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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