Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
