I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
