The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
