Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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