Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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