We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
