Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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