I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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