I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
